the politics of farewell

So, you ask the person for the thousandth time ‘when are you leaving exactly?’

That when you already know the date and time exactly.

Still, you ask. And count the days in hand. A little panic rushes through the veins and legs jitter a bit. Subconsciously.  

The other people can’t know of course. According to them, you are the strong, level headed one. And you too keep up the charade well. All those years on stage, thankfully.

So, as you listen to their itinerary, you sip at the water,  pretending to listen, nodding a bit little stronger than required, but actually - you hear nothing. All your senses are busy fighting against giving away your nervousness.

The second question that you ask yourself – ‘why am I nervous?  This isn’t a farewell. At least not forever. We will be in touch of course.   We are going to meet again of course.

Soon. 

Soon Enough. 

Soon enough Maybe.'

Suddenly you realize the other person is waiting for you to respond. You manage a wide wordless smile.

‘It’s going to be okay’. You say. You don’t even know the question. But the sentence is true at so many levels. So, it’s going to be okay.

For them, or for you? You ask yourself. There,  The mind plays politics again.

Finally, the day is here. It’s about time. Time to say goodbye. So, you do The Routine Farewell. Hug, shake hands and say goodbye with a big carefree confident smile.

As you walk away, you look back again . one last desperate act of attention. But the real trick is not turning back at the same time as them. That saves you the little ounce of pride. 

Of course, there is a buzzing in the ears, the eyes burn and hands fumble while handing over the money to the auto wala.

But it's going to be okay.

No one saw the weak you after all. 

so, you repeat - 'it's going to be okay'

Strangely, after everything is over, you don’t feel that miserable. It actually is okay.

This is the real politics of farewell! When after bidding farewell, you don’t believe in it.

You think about all the good things you been through together and smile to yourself – ‘there is more to come. It’s not a goodbye yet. Oh, there will be a goodbye later of course.

Soon. 

Soon enough. 

Soon enough maybe.